Breaking Out of the Rut: Why Who You Spend Time With Shapes Your Future
In the years before I came to Bali, I felt stuck in my life.
I felt trapped in my job, in the same people I saw all the time, in my routine– having the same day over and over again, the same conversations over and over again.
Have you noticed that when you’re pulled into a comfortable routine, you start to mirror the people around you? (And “comfortable” doesn’t always mean happy or content… feeling comfortable is just feeling safe from the unknown. “Comfortable” can also mean bored, stagnant, or miserable, and can lead to a lot of depression).
When I was in my “comfortable” rut, I found myself sucked into the bitterness that seemed to hang in my workplace like a cloud. After a while, I was adding to the misery myself. I saw the same people every day and started accepting their moods, values, and resentment as my own even though I didn’t want to.
I was aware that I was drifting away from myself, but when you find yourself in the same circumstances every day, what can you do?
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
~ Jim Rohn
What do you want more of? I knew what I wanted. Adventure, a shake up, more self-confidence, joy in my body and spirit, connection, and inspiration. I was ready to make a big change. I started to seek people who had more of these things to offer.
Spending time with people who have what you want can be hard. It makes what you don’t have very obvious. Especially if you’ve been dealing with bad feelings all alone or have been sucked into a headspace of judgement, it’s hard to shift your mindset to one of optimism and learning.
I figured that if I was taking on the moods, values, and resentment of the people around me now when it was harming me, surely the opposite must also be true! At first, it’s intimidating to meet people who dare to dream bigger than you, laugh without being self conscious, explore further, love themselves deeper.
But then they start to wear off on you in the best way.
If you want to make big changes in your life, I encourage you to reach out and join groups with new outlooks where you can add your own wonderful personality and spark.
Some ideas include:
• Fitness-related communities like small gyms, biking/walking groups, yoga, scheduled classes where you can see the same people.
• Groups that centre around a hobby or art– like amateur photography, dog walking, pottery classes, painting, a book club etc.
• Community Associations (a lot of communities host fitness groups, mom & kid groups, and have available garden plots)
• Professional Associations: I love the local women business groups I’ve found!
• Learn a new skill in a class, like Toast Masters, a Spanish class, or learn how to play the guitar in a group setting! If you’re of retirement age, you can often take university or college courses at a discount or for free
• Go travelling and get reacquainted with the fiery spark inside of you. There are a lot of options for group travel experiences, including groups like Discover Your Bali, where you can meet other women who are exploring a brand new place.
If you feel stuck or disconnected from yourself, take a look at the top 5-10 people you spend the most time with.
… then choose who lifts you, who inspires life-changing journeys.Do they bring you up or down? Are their pessimistic attitudes leaking into your heart as well? Is their fear impacting your outlook? Is your world feeling small?
This isn’t about cutting people out. You can love and support people who wear their hurt on the outside (and often they benefit from your strength) but you also need others to stay true to yourself and grow.
Once you see where the problem is, decide: What do you want more of? What will help you burst out of this bubble? Then seek new pastimes and goals– but most importantly, the kind of people who are already doing this. Embrace them and they will embrace you. You can lift one another up instead of bringing each other down.
If you’re seeking ADVENTURE… if you feel the urge to stuff some clothes in a bag and hop on an airplane to the other side of the world for something brand new, consider Discover Your Bali! Learn about my boutique group travel experiences for solo women ready for novelty, connection, restorative calm, and fun
I’ve designed this boutique travel experience for 10 solo women travellers who want novelty, connection, relaxation, replenishment, and fun! Check out my upcoming travel dates! Each experience is customizable depending on what you’re looking for. Come to beautiful Bali with me!
